30 Day Asexuality Challenge: Your favorite asexual website.
…I have no idea. Hmmm. I really like tumblr. While it isn’t an asexual website, there are tons of asexual blogs, and, in my experience, the #asexuality tag is usually pretty decent.
Asexuality Archive is good, and now there’s a book! Huzzah!
AVEN is good as well. I’ve seen in the tag that some people are having issues with AVEN. I’m not really sure why, but I never really venture into the forums. Perhaps that’s where the issues lie.
30 Day Asexuality Challenge: Your favorite asexual Tumblr site.
Oh, goodness. Well. Hmmm. I can’t decide. I really love Angeline, but she’s not specifically an “asexual Tumblr site,” so I’m probably supposed to pick a different type of blog. However, she does sometimes post ace things, and she is truly excellent, so you should follow her probably.
Other great asexual tumblrs, that are specifically asexual tumblrs…
Swank Ivy posts comments about asexuality and her responses to them.
Asexual Advice is exactly what it sounds like.
Asexual Experiences, which is also exactly what it sounds like. I really like their blog. I actually found their blog when they reblogged one of my posts from this challenge. Their blog also has links to other great blogs.
30 Day Asexuality Challenge: If you’re out, talk about the most accepting person you’ve come out to. If you’re not out, talk about what you would hope a coming out experience would be like.
I’ve had some very positive coming out experiences. I have several people I could write about here, and it’s rather difficult to decide who I shall use for this challenge. I think I’ll go with Allissa, because I just saw her recently and she’s quite lovely.
I first talked to Allissa about asexuality before I was ready to identify as asexual. We were in yearbook (because yearbook is where we always were) and Allissa had said that everyone has at one point had a crush on her friend. I’d mentioned that I hadn’t, and that I also didn’t think I’d had a crush on anyone. Freddy asked me if I was asexual, and I said that I wasn’t really sure, but maybe. We were going to talk about it some more, but then Slossy Joe came in and yelled at us in his loving-yet-grumpy way to get back to work.
I believe the next time I discussed asexuality with Allissa was at prom. I’d explained that I didn’t experience sexual attraction but I could experience romantic attraction. Allissa asked me some questions (and so did Freddy because he was also there), and then she understood, for the most part. The great thing about her response was that she accepted right away that I’m asexual, and if she didn’t understand something, she would just flat-out ask about it. She doesn’t cautiously word questions to be polite; she just asks what she wants to know, which I personally think makes situations have less potential for being awkward.
Allissa’s response is one of my favorites because she realizes that I experience aesthetic attraction and romantic attraction. She asks me if I think a person is attractive not because she doesn’t remember I don’t experience sexual attraction, but because she wants to know if I think that person is aesthetically attractive. She also has no problem mentioning sex in my presence, which is nice because some people think I don’t ever want to hear about sex. She realizes that I don’t have a problem with sex as long as it doesn’t involve me. Allissa also realizes that you can still have sex and experience sexual arousal if you are asexual. Overall, she is one of my favorite people I’ve talked about asexuality with because she is very understanding and she doesn’t hesitate to ask questions if she is unsure about something.
30 Day Asexuality Challenge: What have other people said about your asexuality?
Most people don’t understand it at first. So far, I haven’t encountered anyone who has tried to tell me it doesn’t exist. People mainly just ask questions. I have, however, had people tell me they think I might just be young and haven’t met the right person/people, but they have been respectful about it and realize that, at least for now, I am asexual.
30 Day Asexuality Challenge: What does being asexual mean to you?
It means that I don’t experience sexual attraction. That’s about it. I don’t think it’s a huge deal; it’s just a part of who I am.
30 Day Asexuality Challenge: Do you believe there should be asexual pride? What do you imagine it being like?
I do believe there should be asexual pride, just like I think you should be proud of being any other sexual orientation. It is, after all, a part of what makes you, you. I imagine asexual pride to be being happy with who you are despite what people tell you about your sexuality.
30 Day Asexuality Challenge: Who’s your favorite Doctor? (Or, do you have a favorite asexual character?)
I can’t pick a favorite Doctor. Every time I watch a different Doctor, I love him. However, my first Doctor was Ten, so I’m a little biased for him. Also, I love his hair.
My favorite asexual character thus far is probably Sherlock Holmes, but he might be tied with the Doctor. It’s really close. I can’t decide.
30 Day Asexuality Challenge: Have you faced oppression because of your asexuality, whether institutional or societal?
I don’t believe so. I’ve certainly had people tell me that I’m too young to know that I’m asexual, but that’s about it, which is pretty good I suppose.
30 Day Asexuality Challenge: Tell the story of the first person you came out to.
Well, I’m going to deviate from this because I literally just came out to someone and I want to tell that story instead. Also, I’m not sure who the first person I came out to was…
Yesterday and today in flex (study hall, as most schools call it), I went to the jewelry room to make my black ring. I don’t even have jewelry this semester, but my art teacher is just fabulous and she lets me come in and work during flex anyway. My teacher didn’t know why I was making a black ring; she just knew that I wanted one so she helped me figure out how to make it black. While we were waiting for it to dry, she asked me why I wanted a black ring.
- Teacher: So did you just really want a black ring?
- Me: No, it’s… A black ring worn on the middle finger of the right hand is the symbol for asexuality. Do you know what that means?
- Teacher: I didn’t know that. I know what that [asexuality] means, but I didn’t know that was a symbol.
- Me: Well, I identify as asexual so I wanted one.
- Teacher: Do you think you’ll always feel that way?
- Me: I think so. I’ve never really felt that way about anyone.
- Teacher: Maybe you’re just young or haven’t met the right people.
- Me: It’s possible, but I don’t think so.
- Teacher: That’s interesting. I’ve never met an asexual before. I’ve met homosexuals, bisexuals, and transvestites, but never asexual.
- Me: Well, now I suppose you have.
And then she said something else, but I didn’t quite catch it and we got distracted by the ring and packing up to leave (she had to get her daughter and we actually only barely finished in time) and I forgot to ask what she’d said.
Basically, it seems that she thinks it’s possible that I’m too young to know what my sexuality is, but she recognizes that asexual people exist and that I feel this way now. I’m actually pretty happy with her reaction.
(Because I am a jewelry/fashion nerd, I feel the need to explain. First you make your ring band, which I already knew how to do from Metals I. My band was made of sterling silver. You then clean your band and get your Liver of Sulphur ready by putting it in a glass jar and adding hot water. Then put your band in the solution and let it sit until it is the desired color. My ring didn’t turn out as dark as I’d hoped at first, but we then sprayed it with some sort of sealant — I can’t remember what — and it got darker. It now is a wonderful shade of black!)
30 Day Asexuality Challenge: Do you identify as a part of the queer community? What communities do you identify with?
I kind of think it’s odd that there are communities based on sexuality because sexuality should not affect what people think of you. However, at this point in time, sexuality does affect people’s opinions so there are communities based on sexuality, and since these communities exist, I suppose I am part of the queer community. I consider queer to be anything except heterosexual, and asexuality falls into that. And at the same time, I really like the queer community and the ace-specific community because they are safe places. I just don’t like that they need to exist.
I definitely identify as a part of the nerdfighter community. Nerdfighteria is fabulous.