I was talking my mom about how I once intently read all of the labels on the condoms at the drugstore and how I was fascinated by all the different options and that I think flavored condoms are an excellent idea, which naturally progressed to a discussion of my fear of giving blow jobs because I’m worried I might throw up due to my severe gag reflex
and then I found out that my mother is brilliant.
She said that you should put your tongue over the head instead of under the head, because then you won’t gag.
She came up with this idea all on her own. I think it is absolutely brilliant. Everyone should know about this technique.
OH MY GOLLY GOSH. I was just talking to my mom about BJ techniques and she just said
“I was just thinking about the big belly guys. It’s like a trampoline for your head. Bonk, bonk!”
And then she acted like her head was bouncing against some guy’s stomach.
My mom was with her friend getting a tattoo yesterday and they were talking about various tattoos people had and this one guy had Pinocchio tattooed on himself so that his penis was the nose.
I was watching Point of No Return and Zachariah was talking to Adam about Dean and Cas, and my mom said, “They really do ship them!” and I have never heard her use ship in this context before and I am really quite proud.
Your mom is a precious creature.
I don’t even know what to do with her. She’s ridiculous. She’s so wonderful. I love her a lot.
Me: Rebecca says you are a precious creature.
Mom: *laughs* I knew she would understand.
My mom was just hugging me and stroking my head when she whispered, “I don’t want to mess up your hair. It looks so pretty.”
Thanks, mommy. That, oddly enough, helped a lot.
Today my mom said, “I don’t know what this light switch does. This one turns on the kitchen lights, but I have no idea what the other one does.” So I got up to see what she was talking about and I had no idea those light switches were even there.
We have lived here for six years. Six years, and I didn’t know those switches existed, and we still cannot figure out what the one switch does.